It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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