i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
