awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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