so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
