seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
