I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
