Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
