I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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