Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
