adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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