Umm I'm too high to move.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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