Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
