I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
