you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
