you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i love accidental penises.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
