in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
