I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
