She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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