Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
