I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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