My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
