im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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