Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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