only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
