a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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