one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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