just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
