She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk is not a location!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
