just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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