All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
