roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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