i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
