I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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