Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You made out with two different species that night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
