I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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