yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
