Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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