she was so not down for the gang bang
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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