I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
