im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
