Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
