I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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