You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
