Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
