I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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