I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
