Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Operation Purity has been aborted
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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