Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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