Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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