Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
