you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
