Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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