sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We need to rekindle our bromance
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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