You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
