U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
