Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
