At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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