Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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