Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize