At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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