I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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