Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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