i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
