happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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