as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
