dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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