Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
