I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
