I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
