Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
