pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
