i need an iv and a liver transplant
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can Purell be used as lube?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
