Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
