Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
